In the Flow: Peace

This is the season when hope builds for peace in our world and hearts open to that possibility. The most genuine affect that we can have in the world always begins with ourselves--our thoughts, actions, attitudes, beliefs and responses.

Sometimes the things that drag us down and take us out of the flow are invisible to us, not right in our faces. There are momentary stresses in our lives, but it's the holding on to hurts, grievances or resentments that creates an armor around our hearts, making peace elusive. More often than not, it's a hurt that we haven't healed or let go of. That kind of pain can be a burden to carry, and our hearts become heavy, sometimes without our awareness of it. One can build walls to feel safe, being careful not to be vulnerable to that kind of pain again, but safety in isolation usually doesn't bring peace. The human heart longs to express love in its many forms.

If the thought of someone who represents that pain or anger comes up, there is a reason the thought is there. Many times that thought is trying to tell us something--bringing it to our attention. I've realized that if I believe someone owes me an apology, then that's a sure sign I haven't forgiven him or her. It's a burden to wait for an apology that may never come, but I can release that burden by forgiving in my own heart. The person it concerns never need know that I have forgiven and let go of whatever it may be. One of the best ways I've found to begin the process of forgiveness is to remind myself that we are all doing the best we can at the time, and it's not up to me to judge what someone else's best is. The guarantee that comes along with being human is that we will all make mistakes at one time or another.

Another part of forgiveness that can be easy to overlook is forgiving oneself for making a mistake. It's hard to be at peace while being hard on oneself or mentally punishing oneself for messing up. To stumble and fall is human. To forgive, get up, dust oneself off and keep going is, well, divine.

This is the season that reminds us of peace and forgiveness--a season for healing, goodwill and love to carry us into the new year that could become the most meaningful, joyful year of our lives so far.

© 2008 Mary Claire O'Neal

Author of the award-winning book, Becoming What You Want to See in the World. for more information: www.maryclaireoneal.com  and www.redesignalife.com

In the Flow: Becoming the Change

This past month or so, I've been given several opportunities to change those things in myself (perceptions, beliefs, behaviors. . .) that no longer work for me.  It's been a gift, because these old patterns were right in my face, getting my attention. When the opportunity for me to be different in a similar situation came up, I found that taking a moment to step back and ask myself a few questions helped tremendously. For instance, before I became concerned about something, a situation or perceived problem, the question was, "Do I have all the information at this point?" If not, then, "I'll wait until I have more information, and there probably is no reason for any concern at this point." I waited and found, sure enough, that there was no reason for concern or worry, that everything was fine and the perceived problem was just a glitch. Changing this pattern sure allows for more peace in daily living!

Everyone has different things they could change that no longer work for them. Your pattern may be different than the one I described above. Maybe the opposite is true. Maybe you procrastinate and not get concerned until things turn into a crisis. Then you activate into crisis mode of taking action. This can be very stressful for you and unnerving for those around you. What would be a way to change this pattern of stress?  By taking note when the first red or pink flag arises and taking action then. Or, even better, being more proactive and keeping track of timelines or communications so that you know on your own well in advance before the caution even arises.  This definitely creates more peace in life.

Why do we keep those ways do doing things or communicating that no longer work for us? That is the question. Habit sure, but that's not the whole answer.  The deeper answer is that we are getting something from it that we want.  We are getting a payoff of some kind.  It might not be a good payoff, but it is keeping something in effect or perpetuating something.  And the thing that is being perpetuated may be something not so good either.  For instance, if functioning in crisis mode is your pattern, it may be, for instance, that you believe or fear that you can't function at your best unless your back is up against the wall.  If you tried it differently (doing something well in advance, for instance), you could prove that belief wrong, and you would experience much more ease in life.  Others in your life and work would appreciate that peace, too!

Our time on this Earth is so short--too short for manufactured dramas as a result of old patterns, thinking, communication and ways of doing things. True empowerment lies in self-knowledge and changing those things within ourselves that no longer work for us and empowering the things that are good and do work.

© 2008 Mary Claire O'Neal

www.maryclaireoneal.com